Use Positive Child Discipline When Raising Your Child
My husband’s parents divorced when he was two-years-old, and after that he didn’t see much of his dad. Random holiday visits and several weeks in the summer didn’t make for a great relationship.
Andy’s memories of time spent with his dad are either of working on a project that was much too demanding for a child (building a deck or retaining wall) or of not so positive child discipline or ridicule for his behavior.
By the time Andy was in his early teens he rarely saw his dad, and since turning eighteen, they have seen each just a handful of times. Andy will admit that much of his parenting is a direct result of growing up with a strained relationship with his dad. Fortunately, Andy’s mom remarried when he was still young and he did grow up with a wonderfully loving stepfather. Andy always says, “The stuff I do good – I learned from my stepdad; the parts I like least about myself – I get from my dad.” My heart aches for him, and I am grateful he has vowed not to parent (or not parent) like his dad.
One of the things Andy has taken directly from his experience is his communication. He is very good at making sure that our kids feel loved and worthwhile no matter what the circumstances. When he needs to discipline one of our children he practices positive child discipline techniques. He almost always starts the conversation with, “I love you very much, but right now we need to talk about your behavior” or “I love you, but I don’t like your attitude.” I appreciate the way he handles toddler behavior problems so much that I have adapted many of the same techniques. Disciplining your child is never going to be fun, but it is a necessary tool when raising healthy, well-adjusted children.
The Bible has a lot to say about positive child discipline, particularly in the book of Proverbs. As Christian parents we know our children are a gift from God and that gift comes with the responsibility to raise them with honorable standards.
Positive child discipline therefore, is not about punishing wrong behavior as much as it is about setting a child on the right course for their walk with God. Proverbs 22:6 tells us, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Laying a good, Godly foundation is essential in raising loving, moral, well-disciplined children.
The words we use will have a profound affect on our child’s self-esteem. Using positive, encouraging, affirming words – even when we are punishing them – will remind your child that it is the behavior you don’t like, not the child. Positive child discipline takes some work in the beginning, but it will yield results far greater than you could ever have imagined.
Positive Thumbuddy books and music strengthen the parent child bond, instill self worth and establish a healthy, trusting environment where positive child discipline can thrive and positively guide your child.
Highly acclaimed for their positive influence on the child and parent relationship, ThumbPeople’s children’s books, encouraging kid’s music, preschool curriculum activities and soaking music reflecting the loving and assuring words of Scripture, help in guiding and disciplining your child to make right choices.
Verbal Child Abuse is Not a Good Application of Parental Influence
The parent child relationship is the strongest of all bonds. Because of this, it has the potential to be the most beneficial and the most detrimental. Nothing can prepare a child for the world better than strong encouragement from a parent. On the other hand, nothing can be a greater deterrent than verbal child abuse.
Fortunately, much can be done to restore healthy interaction in an injured parent child relationship. The parent has an incredible amount of influence. Critical and hurtful words impact a child negatively, but edifying and affirming words have positive impact.
The solution can begin with simple, encouraging messages. The bottom line is that children are influenced by the words that are spoken to them regardless of whether those words are negative or positive. Certainly, much more can and must be done in child abuse prevention and to correct the problems in general. However, the profound impact of positive messages can transform a child’s perspective, even those who have been victims of verbal child abuse.
Each child is born with a unique personality. Therefore, it is important that all children learn how to contribute to the world in uniquely positive ways. God designed every individual with a special purpose. His intention is for each person to contribute to life in meaningful ways. Maltreatment can misdirect kids and lead them to doubt their usefulness or value to God.
Helping a child develop a correct perspective in life begins with encouraging language. Obviously, kids wounded by abuse do not always have the benefit of such things being modeled for them at home. Therefore, it is extremely important that they experience it elsewhere. This can aid them in overcoming the negative consequences of verbal child abuse. It can also provide a measure for both the children and parents to evaluate appropriate interaction. In some ways, it can contribute to child abuse prevention because it has the potential of redirecting a parent to more positive future communication.
Parenting is an important and difficult role. Guiding through encouragement always results in positive consequences. ThumbPeople offers parents simple and effective resources that promote nurturing and affirming communication.
Through Thumbuddy children’s books, encouraging kid’s music, preschool curriculum activities and soaking music that reminds children and adults of God’s unconditional love and healing, ThumbPeople uses the simplicity of positive words to restore and instill self worth.
Use Positive Child Discipline To Help Your Child Learn Right From Wrong
How do young children learn self-control and ways to get along with others? That sort of learning occurs when parents are continuously involved in positive child discipline through setting limits, encouraging desired 
behaviors, and making decisions about managing children.
In fact, teenagers interviewed at a summer development program have said they not only want, but desperately need their parents to set limits and boundaries. When making these decisions, parents need to ask themselves, am I disciplining in a way that hurts or helps my child’s self-esteem? If the answer is not helping the child, the form of discipline needs to change.
Whatever the age of your child, it is important to be consistent when it comes to discipline. If parents don’t stick to the rules and consequences they set for their toddler behavior problems, then their kids aren’t going to either and you will end up disciplining your child for a much more serious offense.
Positive child discipline takes some work and pre-planning, but once the limits are set and consequences are known, children are more likely to follow the rules. Toddler behavior problems can occur in even the best children at any moment. Every child will act out; it is how you handle these moments that will dictate the relationship you have with your child.
The consequences you choose are completely up to you, but make sure they are ones you will carry out. Empty threats are almost worse than no consequence at all. When my oldest set of twins were three and the younger set were one, I learned the hard way about empty threats and their negative impact on positive child discipline.
It was a cold, snowy day and I thought we would go to the mall play place. I called some friends to meet us there and began the long process of packing four kids up for the morning. After lots of yelling and fighting (my oldest daughter constantly fought me on getting in her car seat), I slumped into the driver’s seat, literally sweating and already completely frustrated. The crying and whining didn’t stop there though. The ride to the mall was slow and the fighting in the back of the mini-van was constant. By the time I got to the mall I was fried. As soon as we walked through the doors my oldest son, Will, darted away from me and took off in a full sprint towards the train set.
Literally running after him while pushing a stroller and dragging Abby by her hand, I finally caught up with him. I grabbed him by the hand and said, “if you run away again, we will go home.” Sadly, even Will knew we wouldn’t. We were meeting friends and it had taken me way too long to get where I was, I certainly wasn’t going to turn right around and head home. “No we won’t mommy.” He said. “What about Jen?” He had nailed it and both of us knew it. I realized right there and then that I needed to change my disciplining ways and put into effect some positive child discipline.
It all comes down to communication; the words we use and the way we use them. Your choice of words will profoundly affect your child, as well as the relationship you have with them. Nurturing and affirming words will provide a safe place for your child to get their emotional needs met, thus reducing and preventing out of control behavior.
Positive child discipline means that you explain to your kids what you expect of them before you punish them for their toddler behavior problems. Disciplining your child will never be fun, but it doesn’t have to break the soul of either you or your child. The earlier you establish the concept of “I set the rules and you’re expected to follow them” the better everything for everyone. Consistency is the key to effective positive child discipline.
Thumbuddy books and music establish a strong parent-child relationship providing a foundation where positive child discipline can guide your child to make right choices and live a blessed life.
Family experts recommend ThumbPeople’s children’s books, kid’s music, preschool activities and soaking music infused with the assuring and guiding words of Scripture.
Steer Away From Verbal Child Abuse By Using Wholesome, Positive Words
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This infamous childhood saying couldn’t be further from the truth. In some ways, a broken bone may be a better situation than a broken heart or self-esteem. Unfortunately, verbal child abuse is all too common in our society and is still not considered true abuse or overly harmful. However, the scars that verbal child abuse leaves in kids is and can be detrimental.
Children are taught to trust those adults closest to them; parents, teachers, coaches, youth leaders – so they are more inclined to believe and take to heart the words those influencers use towards them. When the words are positive and hopeful, the child flourishes and their self-esteem and self-worth soars. When the opposite occurs – verbal child abuse, the child is wounded and the adult or parent child relationship suffers.
Name-calling hurts. Hollering and flashing your temper might strike you as a natural and effective form of discipline, but for children it may cause emotional trauma that results in long-lasting harm. Among other things, verbal child abuse destroys your child’s self-esteem, damages their ability to trust and form relationships, and chips away at their academic and social skills. In fact, current research shows that verbal child abuse can be equally as destructive emotionally as physical and sexual abuse and puts them in as much risk for depression and anxiety. Often called “invisible abuse” verbal child abuse is very real and should be added to the list of topics when discussing child abuse prevention.
It is our duty as parents to build our children’s self-esteem and to raise them with confidence and hope in their future. Our thought and words have a great influence on how we feel about ourselves and others.
Children respond to words that give positive encouragement and these will empower them to do well. We need to convey, through our words and actions, that we appreciate our children, their efforts and improvements, not just their accomplishments. We need to make sure they understand that our love and acceptance is not dependent on their behavior, but is unconditional, forgiving and forever.
Convey your unconditional love and acceptance of your child with Thumbuddy children’s books.
Thumbuddy books are recommended by child development professionals for their effectiveness in child abuse prevention, establishing self worth, equipping kids to make positive life choices and for strengthening the parent child relationship and family bonding experience.
ThumbPeople is an advocate for children in promoting positive and affirming resources that protect children from the harmful effects of verbal child abuse through their Thumbuddy children’s book series, nurturing kid’s music, preschool curriculum and soaking music resonating with the unconditional love and care that God extends to each of us.
Positive Child Discipline And Encouraging Words Keep Children On A Godly Path
The Bible is pretty clear about the need for discipline in our lives. As a matter of fact, let’s look at the word itself. If we look at discipline from a Biblical perspective, the word disciple comes to mind. Jesus and His twelve most devoted followers. This helps us to approach the Biblical discipline from a more positive stance and makes the concept of positive child discipline a little more realistic. Jesus’ disciples were dedicated to modeling His ways and learning from Him. As parents we are dedicated to developing our children into all that God intends for them to be.
The Bible reminds us that, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him” (Psalms 127:3). As God’s gift, He has entrusted us to raise these little ones to seek and honor the Lord. In order to do so, our children need positive child discipline.
The wise parent expresses both discipline and affection in the form of positive child discipline. Hebrews tells us, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those He loves.” The happiest and most secure children are those whose parents work as a loving team to nurture and discipline their children in a loving, affirming way.
Keep in mind, however, that positive child discipline isn’t just about punishments. Don’t forget to reward good behaviors as well. Don’t underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have on your child. Discipline is not just about punishment but also about recognizing good behavior also.
Choose your words wisely, don’t just say, “Good job today”, say “I am so proud of you for sharing your toys during the play group today.” It’s important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just say what was wrong. Instead of saying, “Don’t jump on the couch,” try “Please keep your feet on the floor.”
The words we use and the way we use them will greatly affect our children. When we use encouraging, affirming words, our children learn that it is the behavior we are disapproving, not the child. Positive child discipline means conveying loving and supportive messages to your child and strengthens your relationship and develops trust. Children feel secure because they know that you have their best interest at heart and will take care of them and be there for them. This reduces fear, anxiety, anger and poor behavior in children.
Toddler behavior problems are not restricted to “bad” kids or “bad parenting.” All kids will break the rules at some point or another. It is your reaction to this behavior that will dictate whether the child does it again or not. Disciplining your child is not fun, but it is necessary when raising healthy children with a confident and healthy self-esteem.
The key to positive child discipline is having a strong, loving parent-child relationship and instilling a strong foundation of self worth within children. Thumbuddy books and music do both.
Recognized by child development experts for their effectiveness in building self worth within kids and nurturing the parent and child bond, ThumbPeople’s children’s books, positive kid’s music, preschool curriculum activities and Scripture inspired soaking music help in disciplining your child in positive, loving ways.
Preventing Verbal Child Abuse Begins With Purposeful Intentions By Adults
Verbal child abuse is harm to, or neglect of, a child by another person. Verbal child abuse happens in all cultural, ethnic, and income groups. Abuse may cause serious injury to the child and may even result in death. It is not something to be taken lightly.
While the definition of emotional abuse is often complex and imprecise, professionals agree that, for most parents, occasional negative attitudes or actions are not considered emotional abuse and will not strain the parent child relationship. Even the best of parents have occasions when they have momentarily “lost control” and said hurtful things to their children, failed to give them the attention they wanted or unintentionally scared them. When we learn what verbal child abuse is and take steps to prevent it from entering our home, we are taking very necessary, very intentional steps toward child abuse prevention.
Whether we have a history of abuse or not, we need to be aware of our actions and our words when speaking to our children.
As parents, our primary responsibility is raising happy, healthy children who can assimilate into society and become responsible adults. One of the ways we can ensure we create caring, loving, confident adults is by carefully choosing each and every word we use towards and around our kids.
Often as parents, words slip out of our mouths before we even think about them. I am no exception and will be the first to admit it. Sometimes we may quickly tell our kids things like “I’m very disappointed in you” or “You should know better than to behave that way.” We don’t realize how this actually affects our children in the future.
The words we use with our children are so important to their emotional health, their self esteem, and even their personal empowerment. The outcomes and attitudes our kids have are linked to the words that we use as parents. The words that you use can either wound, shame, or bring down or they can nurture, encourage, and empower your child. How many times have you told your kids that you’re too busy, that they are being naughty, or that they should do something better? More than likely you do this on a regular basis. It’s easy to get in the habit of using those negative words, and it will take some conscious effort on your part to start changing those ways.
We really need to intentionally focus on using positive and empowering words with our children, it’s definitely going to be worth it in the end. Here are some examples of ways we can alter our words to be more positive: Instead of saying, “You should” we can say “You could or you can”, or instead of saying, “Don’t forget to” say “Please make sure you remember” and rather than saying, “You have to” say “I would like you to.”
One simple way to convey positive and affirming words to your child is by reading them Thumbuddy children’s books. Thumbuddy children’s books are creatively written to speak to the heart of children and help them to see themselves as wanted, unconditionally loved and accepted – even when they don’t perform perfectly.
Child wellness advocates encourage Thumbuddy books for their simple yet effective methods of child abuse prevention, instilling self worth, helping kids make positive life choices and for nurturing the parent child relationship and family bonding.
ThumbPeople creates positive and encouraging resources that counteract the harmful effects of verbal child abuse through their Thumbuddy children’s book series, nurturing kid’s music, preschool curriculum and soaking music that surrounds kids and adults with loving, life-giving words.
Educate Yourself And Stop Verbal Child Abuse
The words that you use with your children every day, no matter what age they are, can bring them down or build them up. I am sure very few of us would ever believe we may be perpetrators of verbal child abuse. But when we intentionally blow our children’s self-esteem or purposefully make them scared of us, we are performing verbal child abuse. It us our duty to make sure we are using positive words with our children and not inadvertently hurting them with negativity. It is all part of child abuse prevention and awareness. After all, kids are kids and they take things very literally.
Simple changes on our part will make a huge impact on your children. Kids will begin hearing things in a positive, encouraging way. I believe you will witness them become more optimistic and hopeful. Positive words make your compliments more meaningful. Another way that you can use words that empower is by using words that compliment your child. Of course, just saying they did a “good job” can get old hat pretty quickly. When you are trying to build them up, you want to use words that are less common, which will make the statement even more powerful and meaningful to your child. Here are some phrases including positive words to empower your child that you can use to build them up and make them feel great on a regular basis: You have an amazing, kind heart; You did an excellent job on that drawing; You were incredibly nice to your friends today; I love the wonderful way that you see things; You always brighten my day; God has made you to be such a joy or You did a tremendous job at the piano recital.
Child abuse prevention is not something we should simply toss aside as something that doesn’t affect us. Our children are depending on us to raise them with self-assurance and confidence.
Ephesians 6:4 reads, “Father’s do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” And Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, less they become discouraged.” Obviously Paul felt strongly about the parent child relationship and the way parents are supposed to treat our children as he used the same verbiage in two different books of the Bible. In his letters to these towns he teaches them the importance of lifting your child’s spirit and heart to God.
I encourage you to think about the words you are using with your children and try to make them as positive and hopeful as possible. Obviously, we must discipline our children, but do so in a loving, caring way. Remember, you are the most important person in your child’s world, treat them with respect and kindness and raise them with positive, encouraging words.
Although a day in the life of parenting sometimes can feel long, the years we have to influence our children are short.
Don’t miss the opportunity to convey your love and appreciation for the gift of your child through reading them Thumbuddy children’s books.
The positive, loving and encouraging words within Thumbuddy books, sweet kid’s music, preschool curriculum and soaking music inspired by loving and comforting words from Scripture, help kids and parents recognize their great worth and truly receive the great love that God wants each of us to have.
Child advocates and development experts encourage Thumbuddy books for their simple yet effective way of child abuse prevention through counteracting verbal child abuse, establishing self worth, encouraging children (and adults) to make positive life choices and for protecting the parent child relationship.
Verbal Child Abuse – A Problem Worth Solving
According to Psalm 127:3, “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him.” Unfortunately, not everyone treats their kids as gifts. There are many problems associated with an unhealthy or abusive parent child relationship.
Child abuse is a serious issue that can not be ignored. Whether it is physical, sexual, or verbal child abuse, the effects are overwhelming. Therefore, serious emphasis on child abuse prevention has become a staple of every community. Unfortunately, prevention efforts must occur concurrently with identifying and helping those already being abused.
Verbal child abuse, sometimes referred to as emotional abuse, is perhaps the most common. Pediatric and psychiatric journals are replete with statistics and information proving that verbal child abuse leads to or is in conjunction with other types of abuse. This overlap makes it generally more difficult to recognize the ramifications of abusive words. However, there is plenty of evidence that verbal child abuse causes detrimental long-term consequences similar to those caused by physical abuses.
The basic tenants of emotional abuse are generally expressed through criticism, neglect, belittling, or emphasis on dominance. This can be applied with angry outbursts or calm statements. Many believe that verbal child abuse is always loud and raging. Often, however, it is subtly infused into regular interactions. Whether a father screams that his son is worthless or simply states it in the midst of dinner conversation it will be hurtful. It will affect the way his son perceives himself and can change the direction of his life. The damage may be immense.
A parent child relationship defined by such interaction can lead to profound problems for the child later in life. It can contribute to things like anger issues, hostility, depression, difficulty establishing and maintaining appropriate relationships, or, perhaps worst of all, repeating the behavior as an adult.
Obviously, the best solution is in child abuse prevention. It is not always possible to completely prevent abuse, but it is possible to prevent the impact from destroying a child’s perspective. Helping a little one comprehend God’s love and design for his life will go a long way in giving him a more positive outlook. Letting him know that he is a gift can be done with direct encouragement and affirmation. It is a worthwhile gesture with a profoundly healing impact.
Thumbuddy children’s books, music and preschool activities surround children with affirming and encouraging words that restore a sense of self worth and promote emotional wellness within children and adults.
Positive Child Discipline Builds Foundation for Success
Positive child discipline uses affirmations and kind words to guide a child into correct behavior rather than shame him into new behavior. It helps a child reframe and see himself as someone capable of better behavior rather than as someone flawed and incapable of good behavior. When you see toddler behavior problems, instead of disciplining your child with a scolding, try positive, affirming words instead.
Strengthening the Parent-Child Bond
Positive child discipline strengthens the parent-child bond rather than weakens it. If you had someone twice your size screaming at you and shaking a finger in your face, how would you respond? Chances are you’d cower in fear. That breaks, rather than strengthens, the parent child bond.
Instead of disciplining your child through fear, try loving affirmations instead. Many times children act out because of an unmet emotional need. Was your child really being bad or simply needing a hug?
Affirmations for Loving Guidance
Lastly, positive child discipline focuses on affirmations. The power of the spoken word is amazing. Words aren’t just things we say that disappear in the wind. The old saying “Sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me” is only partially true. No, you won’t get a broken leg if someone calls you names like stupid or lazy or careless, but over time such words act like acid on the spirit, corroding the spirit away until perhaps, one day, the recipient believes it. It’s not true, but he’s heard it enough to believe it.
Now take this concept and flip it around. If yelling is bad for disciplining your child, then positive, uplifting words must be good. The solution to the behavior problems is a calm, loving approach focused on positive words. It’s about changing your behavior so that the child has positive role models. But more importantly, it’s about saying positive words affirming the child’s unmet needs for unconditional love and acceptance, patient guidance and tolerance of mistakes.
Thumbuddy children’s books use positive and affirming words to build up your child – helping them to believe that they are capable of the best – having the best attitude they can muster, treating others the best they can and behaving their best as well. That’s positive child discipline and effectively heads off toddler behavior problems and supports you in disciplining your child.
Through positive and uplifting children’s books, music and curriculum activities, ThumbPeople helps families to be their very best and receive the best that God has planned for them!
